This outfit is from a few weeks ago. In fact, its from before I got my hair cut. I've had this blouse for a little over a year, but am often hesitant to wear it. While I love the ruffles on it, I'm often afraid that the ruffles add a bit too much va-va-voom to my figure. That and the elastic bottom of the top just isn't my favorite. To me it seems like all the extra fabric above the elastic adds volume to my body in an area where I don't want more volume. In order to counteract this effect, I added a cardigan that hits at exactly the right spot. The cardigan "hides" the extra volume and keeps the top part of the outfit close to my body. That and the blue + purple combination just makes me happy. Double win.
Blouse: Target
Cardigan: Target
Pants: Gap
Heels: Nine West
Now on to the stuff:
I hope you all had a great Christmas holiday, if that is what you celebrate that is. We went to The Fiance's parent's house for part of the weekend. Of course we took Bella and had a very nice time. I love going to visit them as they have been the nearest family for most of the past few years. Luckily my sister moved to within 2 hours from us in August, so that's a plus. But of course, my parents still live in Puerto Rico, a rather long set of flights away, so closeness of family is important to me.
Aside from seeing family, we also had snow! It doesn't snow here a lot, and it definitely didn't snow as much as it did where I went to law school. Nonetheless, snow is snow, and snow makes me happy. Its so fun and makes everything, even sad dead trees look pretty and clean.
On a not so happy note, I've begun to study for the bar again. At the moment its just plain boring. But I'm about 10,000% sure that at some point over the next 2 months I'll get really depressed because I'm going over the same thing I did this summer and even with all that studying I failed. For some this is going to sound whiney, but I've never failed anything in my life. I've been nothing but a great student my whole life. And then I failed the most important test I've ever taken. I've been trying not to throw myself a pity party since I got my results, but some days its really really hard not to. On days when I'm reminded by how much my bills are or how hard it is to pay off my car or cable bill or anything else, then I feel really awful. Essentially it goes like this:
When the cycle of feeling like crap begins, I know exactly how it will end, normally me in tears or pissed off at myself or both, AND its all but impossible to stop. I feel tremendously guilty that The Fiance and I are in this position. Everything was depending on my passing the bar and becoming a licensed attorney and since that didn't happen in August, well, life has been hard. For example, even though I want to give him the world, all I could afford to give the Fiance for Christmas was a Fantasia Blu-ray and a SERIOUSLY down-priced iPhone 3GS. He got me a pair of shoes that were 50% off.
I know I should count my blessings and be happy that I'm not alone in this mess and that we're both healthy and have jobs. But its really hard to feel that way when there have been times the past couple months when I wasn't sure how I would be paying rent or health insurance or much of anything else.
Our situation has improved, luckily. The Fiance started working at the beginning of November so that put an end to the several months where I was the only one working and paying bills. But because it took so long for him to find a job, we're even more heavily in debt and really in the hole.
And on top of it all, his Mustang has decided it doesn't want to run anymore. We're figuring out how to get him a clunker so he can get to work, but the past week and into the near future we've been sharing my car. And let me tell you it sucks. We've had to get up at 6 am, drive him to work (25 mins) then I turn around and drive to my work (1 hour 20 mins in the other direction). On my way home at 5pm I have to go get him and then we get to go home and arrive around 6:45, 12 hours after we've left the house. I'm figuring that I've been spending roughly 3 hours a day in my car instead of the usual 2. ( I work ~60 miles from home).
I guess I'm just frustrated. There's nothing I can really do until I pass the bar, which I retake in February. I won't find out my results until the end of March either. I would *love* for the blog to become profitable, but since I'm just a small slice of the internets, I don't think its going to happen anytime soon. Anyway, to end on a happier note, here's a picture of Bella and Aslan, my sister's dog who we've been taking care of for the past 2 weeks.
On a not so happy note, I've begun to study for the bar again. At the moment its just plain boring. But I'm about 10,000% sure that at some point over the next 2 months I'll get really depressed because I'm going over the same thing I did this summer and even with all that studying I failed. For some this is going to sound whiney, but I've never failed anything in my life. I've been nothing but a great student my whole life. And then I failed the most important test I've ever taken. I've been trying not to throw myself a pity party since I got my results, but some days its really really hard not to. On days when I'm reminded by how much my bills are or how hard it is to pay off my car or cable bill or anything else, then I feel really awful. Essentially it goes like this:
Bad thing (normally a big bill)--> Can't pay it b/c don't have the $ for it --> It's all my fault b/c I failed the bar --> feel like shit.
When the cycle of feeling like crap begins, I know exactly how it will end, normally me in tears or pissed off at myself or both, AND its all but impossible to stop. I feel tremendously guilty that The Fiance and I are in this position. Everything was depending on my passing the bar and becoming a licensed attorney and since that didn't happen in August, well, life has been hard. For example, even though I want to give him the world, all I could afford to give the Fiance for Christmas was a Fantasia Blu-ray and a SERIOUSLY down-priced iPhone 3GS. He got me a pair of shoes that were 50% off.
I know I should count my blessings and be happy that I'm not alone in this mess and that we're both healthy and have jobs. But its really hard to feel that way when there have been times the past couple months when I wasn't sure how I would be paying rent or health insurance or much of anything else.
Our situation has improved, luckily. The Fiance started working at the beginning of November so that put an end to the several months where I was the only one working and paying bills. But because it took so long for him to find a job, we're even more heavily in debt and really in the hole.
 |
| The Mustang |
I guess I'm just frustrated. There's nothing I can really do until I pass the bar, which I retake in February. I won't find out my results until the end of March either. I would *love* for the blog to become profitable, but since I'm just a small slice of the internets, I don't think its going to happen anytime soon. Anyway, to end on a happier note, here's a picture of Bella and Aslan, my sister's dog who we've been taking care of for the past 2 weeks. 
5 comments:
I can empathize. My husband and I spent years in school and both have PhDs, but only one of us is currently employed. And there aren't many jobs in our fields. I have heard from a number of friends who finished law school and took the bar in the past year that they are having trouble finding work, so chin up. Be glad you have a job! Keep studying and you will pass that exam!
Thanks LHdM! I try and most of the time I'm ok, but there are times when being an optimist just isn't possible. I'm more than thrilled that I'm working and still have a job despite failing the bar, I truly am lucky and know it. I guess sometimes the glass is quite a bit less than half full.
It made me sad to read this, but I understand. Daniel has been going through different yet similar cycles. Finishing law school did not have the intended outcome...yet.
While the hope level is sometimes low in this house, it's still there. I am hopeful that this time you will pass the bar (in fact I'm confident you will!) and I'm hopeful that Daniel will the kind of job that has been elusive thus far.
Love and encouragement from your friend in SC!
Oh Keri, thank you! You and Daniel have provided some much needed and very appreciated support. I just know that Daniel will find a great LEGAL job that will make this all worth it.
cute ruffle top.
Post a Comment