Hair and the Law

  Sometime last week, someone asked me if I was pregnant.  I vehemently said NO!  It got me thinking though, not about pregnancy, but about my body.  The question made me feel chunky if not outright fat.  I mean, why else would anyone ask if I'm pregnant if I don't look larger than normal, right?  This made me feel bad.  And I realized how my feelings about myself are tied to my feelings about my body.  For many women, their body is their self and there is no separation.  For others, their perception is tied up in their hair.  I feel that way sometimes too.  When my hair is long and wavy and behaving, I feel young and sexy.  When its up and sleek I feel professional.  Luckily for me, I'm able to go from one extreme to another.  Other ladies, however, have a more complicated relationship with their hair.  My friend Neubia is one of these.  Her hair isn't just a thing on her head, but rather its a symbol of culture and heritage that is inevitably intertwined with her sense of self.  So I asked her to write a post on her hair and the choices she's made with regard to it.  Here is her story:

Law school sucks! Sorry, there is just no other way to put it. What makes it suck more is when your freedom of expression (i.e. individuality) is hampered as a result. Of course, now that I am a lawyer practicing in Fayetteville, NC, I understand that my alma mater, in voicing concern with my stylistic choices, was simply trying to prepare me for what I would face in the real world.  So what is the faux pas freedom of expression I've engaged in . . .

I HAVE LOCS! Some of you may know them as "Dreadlocks."   Screw that! There is absolutely nothing dreadful about my hair.  Hence, the shortening of my choice of hair style to just locs, rather than dreads.

I came into law school with natural hair. That is, I did not use chemicals to alter the texture of my hair.  Most of the time, I wore an afro. Sometimes I would wear braids or twists.  During my second year, I decided to embrace the tight coils that my hair often created on its own. One of the first comments I received when declaring that I was locing my hair (because in my early stages of locing, it just looked like I had twists), was whether I was considering a career at a firm.  Well, truth be told, I wasn't, but even if I was, if a firm is unwilling to hire me because of the grade, texture and stylistic choices I make with my hair, then I am unwilling to work there!

Making the decision to loc is not easy.  When most folks think of locs, they think of a chain such as this . . . Bob Marley, pot, rebel, Rastafarian, slacker, etc.  Well, as much as I enjoy Bob Marley, and consider myself a bit of a rebel, I am not a pothead, and I am a Christian.  I am also . . . (DUN, DUN, DUN) a lawyer.  That's right, people who wear locs are successful business types with expensive ass degrees from private schools, too.

There are 0, count it 0 other attorneys in this city with locs.  The word on the street is that the one guy who did have locs fell prey to the pressure and cut his off.  I refuse to conform! When I walk into court (most of the time to observe for now because we have local rules that take some getting used to) all eyes are on me.  In fact, one morning, I walked into the lawyers only area behind the courtrooms (exiting a courtroom) and was chased down by a bailiff.  "Can I help you?" he barks with his hands on his assault a black person belt.  "Excuse me?" I reply wearing WTF on my face.  "You can't be back here if you aren't a lawyer."  "Well, good news for you sir! I am a lawyer. Were you going to arrest me?" I proceed to fire off questions to him in rapid succession, none of which he is able to respond to because his face is still on the floor.  He walked away, likely still in awe that I, yes, the chick with the locs, was a lawyer. FFFFFFF you and the bus you rode in on!

While this moment was as heartbreaking as it was entertaining, I consider it one giant leap for nappy girls everywhere.  Do not underestimate us because we make the choice not to introduce chemicals into our world.  We can run with the rest, and indeed the best of them. So the next time you see someone with locs, take off your cap of ignorance, and don't make assumptions about them.  Each one, teach one.

My Friend Neubia

    While studying for the bar, there aren't a whole lot of things to entertain.  Lately we've been playing the World Cup on our computers while watching our bar video lectures on the projector.  Another thing that's entertaining?  The Blog.  Last week both Jenn and Neubia showed up looking cute.  Since I've already shown you Jenn's cute outfit, this is Neubia's outfit post.
    My favorite part of Neubia's outfit is her shoes.  These sandals are so cute and a great alternative to the plastic ON flip flops that I've been wearing for the past 2 weeks.  To me, sandals tend to either be plastic flip flops or heels.  Neubia's super awesome sandals have shown me that a great (and cheap!) alternative exists.  These set Neubia back only $15 at Burlington Coat Factory.  I also really liked how Neubia embraced plaid and took the green from the plaid and incorporated it in her top. 

    When I was talking to her about her outfit, she told me that the whole thing cost less than $25.  She also told me that the reason she was looking cute was because her boyfriend was coming in to town for the night.  She wanted to make sure he knew she could look cute and didn't just live in sweats (which, by the way, is the standard girl bar study outfit).
    This started my thinking muscles.  Why do we dress cute and for who do we do it?  As Neubia told me, she was dressing for her boyfriend.  Without judging Neubia, I think a lot of women, certainly myself included, often dress for others, and especially for those we are attracted to (ie. men for straight women, women for gay women, etc).  This brings to mind preening.  I find myself in front of the mirror for much longer when I'm dressing to impress The Fiance.  And even though he is the intended audience, I also do it for myself.  I dress up and apply makeup and preen to feel good about myself.  If it didn't feel good to look my best, I wouldn't do it.  I do it for me.  
    But what about when we dress up and preen for others?  Does that make it any less good or even bad?  Is it "bad" to dress for others?  I would say that using words like "good" and "bad" don't really apply in this context.  They are overbroad and don't really apply as they are value judging words and this isn't a context in which value should be assessed.  Rather, I would say that "healthy" and conversely "unhealthy" are more appropriate.  While it is unhealthy to look outside of ourselves for approval and to judge our attractiveness and self-worth by the way others perceive us all the time, I don't think its unhealthy to look to others for cues some of the time.  What I mean is that its natural to look to others for social cues and opinions on what we're wearing and how we look.  It becomes unhealthy when we base our entire opinion of ourselves on others' opinions and allow the outside to decide how we feel inside.  So while I like to look cute and preen for special occasions for The Fiance, what matters is that I do it because I feel good, not because he requires or expects it. 

 

The Details:
Tank: ON
Pants: Megathrift 
Shoes: Burlington Coat Factory

My Friend Jenn

    This is my friend Jenn.  She and I graduated from law school together and we are now studying for the bar together as well.  When I asked her if she wanted to be on the blog today, she got really excited.  She didn't think she looked cute, whereas I did.  Her excuse for wearing a skirt to class---lack of clean clothes.  Either way, I think it looks great on her and shows how something as simple as a printed t-shirt and skirt can make a great combination.

Jenn "posing"

The Details:
T-shirt: Miley Cyrus/Max Azria 
Skirt: ON
Flip-flops: ON